Things has not been going smoothly for me... Whether is school, work, home, mind, body, luck and many many...
To be frank, i need to plan my future route. And to change my mindset in a lot of things...
Seriously, i need to clear all my debts... Really getting more and more stacking up... Baobei's medical bills.. Seriously dunno wad the hell is the social worker doing, keep asking us to delay payment and delay. Wait til the consolidated payment explode, i tink i really got to commit suicide to claim insurance to pay off everything. Saving is dried up, need to spend more time to work and perhaps go for part time job. But got to tink for baobei, cuz i NEED to spend time with her also.
Im seriously exhausted, really... Always being blamed for this and that, i am a sinful man, everything also my fault... Need to know how to handle this... I really hoped that one day i can win lucky draw, probably few hundred thousand dollars of prize money, i can settle everything.
I hate this country, everything also money and money. What is the government doing here, there are so many poor ppl needs help and all they do is to suck money from all the commoners, and getting FT in to snatch job from locals.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
some of my thoughts...
this few days i have been doing alot of thinking.thinking of those test result and financial problems.this are only some thoughts.i also been thinking whether my hubby really have me in his heart? since jayden was born.he have been treating me quite cold.seem like he only have jayden in mind.i not jealous of jayden or what. i just want to konw when he still have me in his heart and mind.when i ask him " how heavy i am?" he replied,:"90plus".i heard.i was so sad and disappointed.now i know that in his mind i am a fat and ugly and have a bad health wife.he use to hold my hand when we go out.now i am walking behind him.sometime when i am in pain i call out for him,he never turn back,in fact, he still carry on walking.leaving me behind alone in pain.but i felt better when mummy told me that when he know that i got to undergo operation,he cried.that show that he still care and love me.i was so touch and happy.i asak him another question.whether who is more important to him?jayden or me?. he told me jayden.i wonder should i be happy or should i be sad upon knowing this.happy because he really love and care our son.or sad because i am no long 1st in his heart.i am so confuse.well,anyway,as long as he have me and our son in mind,i am very happy alredy.
on the 20th april,i have 2 check up.baby was carry over to mummy placeto look after.so that i can go for my check up with da jie and joanne.we went for lunch after the first check up which we are 1hr late.wa.. that moment when i starting eating,that is what i call food.finally i get the chance to taste what we call real food.i felt so happy when i go out whit da jie and joanne.not like everyday alone at home looking after jayden.but no choice he is my son.i have to look after him.i really miss those days where by da jie joanne cheryl xiao qian uncle and me, having mahjong and baking and cooking session.we were so happy and care free.but now i not long can enjoy this anymore.as i have to stay and home look after jayden.because baobei don't really like me bringing jayden over to go out with them.as he think that they always make me carry jayden alone to travel down to amk to meet them.why not they travel up to meet me and help me to bring jayden out.
sometime i really felt that i am like a hambergure.squeeze in between da jie they all and baobei.i have to please both side.i am really tired of doing this.i wonder how long more i can take it.will i break down suddendly?or will i carry on with this type of life?i wonder...can some one teach me what to do?
on the 20th april,i have 2 check up.baby was carry over to mummy placeto look after.so that i can go for my check up with da jie and joanne.we went for lunch after the first check up which we are 1hr late.wa.. that moment when i starting eating,that is what i call food.finally i get the chance to taste what we call real food.i felt so happy when i go out whit da jie and joanne.not like everyday alone at home looking after jayden.but no choice he is my son.i have to look after him.i really miss those days where by da jie joanne cheryl xiao qian uncle and me, having mahjong and baking and cooking session.we were so happy and care free.but now i not long can enjoy this anymore.as i have to stay and home look after jayden.because baobei don't really like me bringing jayden over to go out with them.as he think that they always make me carry jayden alone to travel down to amk to meet them.why not they travel up to meet me and help me to bring jayden out.
sometime i really felt that i am like a hambergure.squeeze in between da jie they all and baobei.i have to please both side.i am really tired of doing this.i wonder how long more i can take it.will i break down suddendly?or will i carry on with this type of life?i wonder...can some one teach me what to do?
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Something happened which make me sad and miserable.....
My dearest wife, Brenda was admitted into hospital on 27 March 2010. She having complaint with shoulder and stomach/gastric pain while having lunch at Malaysia. We was about to go to batu bahat for a walk with mummy after 2nd aunt funeral. She was in a great pain til we have to gather resource to send her back to Singapore Hospital.
Mummy and me spent 600++ to get someone to lend us a car and help us drive to Singapore. We reach KK hospital at 6 plus and she was immediately inspected. I phoned for her mum to come over. She was sent to do some ultrasound scanning. Was briefed with surcharge due to after office hr. The indian nurse was not caring enough and she hurt baobei's arm quite a few times. And also i got to help her to push this and that. Seriously bad service. After all the test and inspection, doctor told us that she will be send to TTSH as this is not related to O&G related problem. They have arranged an ambulance to send baobei to TTSH. Baobei told me that the indian nurse and the indian radiology was sort of flirting inside the ultrascan room. Baobei was shouting pain and yet they can carry on chatting without concerning about baobei's condition. I wrote a feedback regarding about their shitty service. Not the first time encountering indian nurse corked up. Before we went up to ambulance, i have to settle partial bills... I didnt expected the bill will added up to 600++ with 10 tests done. This time round really fall into financial crisis liao. Left with no choice, i settle partial payment and we proceed to TTSH.
We reach TTSH at 11pm. Registered at the A&E dept. Baobei was pushed in and did some ECG testing. We waiting til 12+ before she was attended. Doctor told us that it was probably the gallstone causing the pain and the nerve at the shoulder was affected. She was given a strong painkiller and told that we can go home when the pain is gone. I didnt trust the doctor and i requested to admit baobei into the ward, luckily the doctor heed our advice. As we were told that there will be no more free bed in the C / B2 ward, we need to arrange baobei to a temporary bed which is located at a wierd corner of the ward. I requested with a all-female ward for baobei and the nurse replied ok. Baobei will only transfer to a normal bed after there is available bed. I have checked the waiting list, and there are 20++ ppl on the waiting list in front. But we got no choice, so i asked baobei and she is ok with the arrangement. So baobei was pushed up to the ward around 2am. I went to see the "temp" bed and i realised that the bed was in front of a men-ward. With all the dirty looking old fellow lying inside, i really scare and i faster complaint to the nurse. I told them i requested with a all-female ward and why they gimme such a location. They replied that the bed is in a corner with no ppl, but i keep telling them off. They seriously dun understand what is all-female ward. again, its a indian nurse again. I starting to hate them. She called and request for another bed change. In 15min time, a phone call back from the admin and we got a bed change finally. This time, its really a all-women ward, and baobei was asleep from her pain.
See her screaming in pain making me feeling unbearable. Doctor came and asked a lot of question and blah blah blah. Im seriously tired and i take a short nap. I tink baobei went for scanning again while i was asleep on the chair. Doctor told us that there is something in the stomach and they need to arrange for a operation asap. My MIL heard and she was crying. I see baobei with so many needles poked into her body, i cant help but break into tears also. She was just 21 and she got to face this kind of problem. My family members advised her so many times that she need to control her diet, her food intake and her daily activities. She dun wan to listen and yet she keep complaining and quarreling with me. For the past few months, to be frankly speaking, i trying to tolerate her. I feel that she was too sensitive on certain thing. I told baobei abt it, she was quite remorse abt it. She promised me a lot of times that she will change, but she never do it. Just really hoped this time she really will change. Cuz her action is slowly breaking my family apart.
I really scare seeing baobei in such a great pain. Telling myself not to cry, but still cant. My heard really pain, seeing her like that really making me feeling so miserable. At 5.30pm, she entered into the Operation Theatre. I went home after that to unpack while waiting phone call from hospital once the operation end. I reached home around 6.45am, mummy and sister slping at living room with baby jayden. Mummy asked me on her condition, she also sighed. She say why baobei dun want to listen to her advice, probably this will not happened. She also repremand me for not controling baobei food intake. I pack all the stuff til around 9am, where the operation is about to end. Think im too tired, i fall asleep on the bed with half of my body on the chair. 10am, FIL called and ask me rest, i was so kan chiong and heard that the operation was success. I finally can leave my mind in peace.
Went to hospital at 12, went to OT with SN tay bring me in. Saw baobei with more tube and needles in her body. I almost fainted, i guess she is really suffering. Sometime i was wondering, if initially i never met her, and we never get married, she probably wont encounter this. I was told she was operated for stomach ulcer. I only can seriously pray hard that she can get well soon...
Mummy and me spent 600++ to get someone to lend us a car and help us drive to Singapore. We reach KK hospital at 6 plus and she was immediately inspected. I phoned for her mum to come over. She was sent to do some ultrasound scanning. Was briefed with surcharge due to after office hr. The indian nurse was not caring enough and she hurt baobei's arm quite a few times. And also i got to help her to push this and that. Seriously bad service. After all the test and inspection, doctor told us that she will be send to TTSH as this is not related to O&G related problem. They have arranged an ambulance to send baobei to TTSH. Baobei told me that the indian nurse and the indian radiology was sort of flirting inside the ultrascan room. Baobei was shouting pain and yet they can carry on chatting without concerning about baobei's condition. I wrote a feedback regarding about their shitty service. Not the first time encountering indian nurse corked up. Before we went up to ambulance, i have to settle partial bills... I didnt expected the bill will added up to 600++ with 10 tests done. This time round really fall into financial crisis liao. Left with no choice, i settle partial payment and we proceed to TTSH.
We reach TTSH at 11pm. Registered at the A&E dept. Baobei was pushed in and did some ECG testing. We waiting til 12+ before she was attended. Doctor told us that it was probably the gallstone causing the pain and the nerve at the shoulder was affected. She was given a strong painkiller and told that we can go home when the pain is gone. I didnt trust the doctor and i requested to admit baobei into the ward, luckily the doctor heed our advice. As we were told that there will be no more free bed in the C / B2 ward, we need to arrange baobei to a temporary bed which is located at a wierd corner of the ward. I requested with a all-female ward for baobei and the nurse replied ok. Baobei will only transfer to a normal bed after there is available bed. I have checked the waiting list, and there are 20++ ppl on the waiting list in front. But we got no choice, so i asked baobei and she is ok with the arrangement. So baobei was pushed up to the ward around 2am. I went to see the "temp" bed and i realised that the bed was in front of a men-ward. With all the dirty looking old fellow lying inside, i really scare and i faster complaint to the nurse. I told them i requested with a all-female ward and why they gimme such a location. They replied that the bed is in a corner with no ppl, but i keep telling them off. They seriously dun understand what is all-female ward. again, its a indian nurse again. I starting to hate them. She called and request for another bed change. In 15min time, a phone call back from the admin and we got a bed change finally. This time, its really a all-women ward, and baobei was asleep from her pain.
See her screaming in pain making me feeling unbearable. Doctor came and asked a lot of question and blah blah blah. Im seriously tired and i take a short nap. I tink baobei went for scanning again while i was asleep on the chair. Doctor told us that there is something in the stomach and they need to arrange for a operation asap. My MIL heard and she was crying. I see baobei with so many needles poked into her body, i cant help but break into tears also. She was just 21 and she got to face this kind of problem. My family members advised her so many times that she need to control her diet, her food intake and her daily activities. She dun wan to listen and yet she keep complaining and quarreling with me. For the past few months, to be frankly speaking, i trying to tolerate her. I feel that she was too sensitive on certain thing. I told baobei abt it, she was quite remorse abt it. She promised me a lot of times that she will change, but she never do it. Just really hoped this time she really will change. Cuz her action is slowly breaking my family apart.
I really scare seeing baobei in such a great pain. Telling myself not to cry, but still cant. My heard really pain, seeing her like that really making me feeling so miserable. At 5.30pm, she entered into the Operation Theatre. I went home after that to unpack while waiting phone call from hospital once the operation end. I reached home around 6.45am, mummy and sister slping at living room with baby jayden. Mummy asked me on her condition, she also sighed. She say why baobei dun want to listen to her advice, probably this will not happened. She also repremand me for not controling baobei food intake. I pack all the stuff til around 9am, where the operation is about to end. Think im too tired, i fall asleep on the bed with half of my body on the chair. 10am, FIL called and ask me rest, i was so kan chiong and heard that the operation was success. I finally can leave my mind in peace.
Went to hospital at 12, went to OT with SN tay bring me in. Saw baobei with more tube and needles in her body. I almost fainted, i guess she is really suffering. Sometime i was wondering, if initially i never met her, and we never get married, she probably wont encounter this. I was told she was operated for stomach ulcer. I only can seriously pray hard that she can get well soon...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Happy and Headache day
Today bring jayden go AH with mummy to see specialist. After everything we go IKEA for dinner. Baobei and me went out after bring baby home.
The moment we come back home, we saw baby throwing temper and keep crying... no matter wad we do also cannot calm him down... after quite some time, i start to hymm some songs and he slowly calm down...
I hymm and sing song for him for 1 whole hr. I start to talk to him... I said "kiss papa"... and he really did. Serious, i never bring his face to me. He just bring his face to my face and move back, like any other child who kiss their parent on the face or cheek. The kind of feeling is really unable to explain... so happy..
Today, i open out the new diapers i bought which is M size. Let him try for 1 night... seemed like the S size cannot fit already. He is only 2 month, yet he can reach abt 5kg++... I can predict that he will reach 10kg in another half year time.
The moment we come back home, we saw baby throwing temper and keep crying... no matter wad we do also cannot calm him down... after quite some time, i start to hymm some songs and he slowly calm down...
I hymm and sing song for him for 1 whole hr. I start to talk to him... I said "kiss papa"... and he really did. Serious, i never bring his face to me. He just bring his face to my face and move back, like any other child who kiss their parent on the face or cheek. The kind of feeling is really unable to explain... so happy..
Today, i open out the new diapers i bought which is M size. Let him try for 1 night... seemed like the S size cannot fit already. He is only 2 month, yet he can reach abt 5kg++... I can predict that he will reach 10kg in another half year time.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Baby growing progress
Jayden have been growing fast. just 2 mth plus already 5kg plus. At least now he is slightly easier to taking care at night. So tired... Never sleep more than 4 hours per day for many weeks liao. Also got to rush my FYP...
Today is the day when Jayden collect his passport. Now he is free to go around the world. His photo in the passport looks so fierce and chubby. Looking forward to the day where his neck got the strength to keep still.
Today is the day when Jayden collect his passport. Now he is free to go around the world. His photo in the passport looks so fierce and chubby. Looking forward to the day where his neck got the strength to keep still.
Monday, March 8, 2010
2nd month le...YeaH!
time pass so fast, my son jayden is 2 month old now. looking back,when he was born, he was only 2.7kg, now he is about 6kg. he is growing very fast. the nurse back in odoc say that he is a bit over weight. but i thought that baby suppose to be chubby and fat.but seriously i also think that we a bit over feed him.because his clothes which he wear when he is new born, now cannot wear le. now he is wearing 6 to 9 month old the clothes. oh my god. he start sleep less and wake up more if some one plays with mi. he start to know find mi and stick to mi. haiz if he really stick to mi, i wont be able to go out and work. looking after jayden is very challenging as u have to know his partten. it is quite tiring a job.i seriousily tired out myself..
Saturday, February 20, 2010
time pass so fast.
time pass very fast, oour little jayden is now 1 month 11days old, weighting about 5.1kg. carrying him everyday is like carrying a bag of 5kg rice everyday.he brought happiness to our family everyday. seeing him growing bigger and strong and chubby everyday. i felt so happy. can't believe that i am a mother le.we are so proud to have him as our son. he is so cute. jayden, mama papa love you alot. hope u can gromw up fast, strong and healthy. muackz.
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