some thoughts.....

baobei have married me for 1 mth plus le... i believe she is getting used to our life. i kinda scare that she might dislike this new lifestyle she will be going thru. She is going to spent more than half of her life time with me and our family. She did well and i believe she will be doing better... She cooked dinner for us and i think its very nice, not becuz the food is ultimately delicious, but it tasted of love and caring of a future mother. I really appriciated for wad she is doing... I love you lao po.

the scare of my life

on the 4th of sep,when i was waiting for bus 133 to amk hub to meet da jie uncle and ah jo. i broaded the bus 133. the bus driver did not wait till i get a seat to sit down and he just drive off like this. casing mi to hit my tummy against the handle of the seat. my tummy was so painful at tt monent. then i tot it was ok. i told bao bei about it and baobei went to send SBS a feedback. the incharge call mi to checxk on mi in the late afternoon and got some infomation from mi to investigate the case and promise to get back to mi. today is already 9th of sep, and yet i get no new form them. last night 8th sep, i took bus 100 to serangoon to change bus home. when i was alighting from the bus i miss my step and fall off the bus as behind the china people rushing mi to alight. i fall and hurt my left kneel and right ankle. two woman help mi up and called bao bei. bao bei rush down and bring mi home. during midnight my stomach was so painfuul, so we went to kkh to see doc. we waited abt 2 hr to see doc. doc show bao bei baby. baby is fine. thank god baby is fine. but i am in pain. i felt very sorry to baobei casing him whole night never sleep and next day he got to go to work.baobei i really sorry to make u worry.

4 month le. times really flies.

on the 1st sep, baby is already 4 month big le. another 5 month he or she is coming out le. so excitied. but this few day i wonder what went wrong in me? mood swing or what, don't feel like eating anything at all, feeling tired easily. i can really feel baby turning or kicking real hard inside mi. i feel cramps at the hip and legs. so painful till one moring i was unable to wake up and make breakfast for baobei and his sis. but i still climb up in pain and make for him to eat. but his sis comment on alot of thing. which i am very unhappy with. but beacase she is my baobei sis i got to bear with it. i really hope that baby can be born healthly and grow up happly.i love my hubby and baby alot. they are my everything. i willing to give up everything including my life for them. muackz

the 1st month of wedding

today is the 1st month full month of wedding.i was wondering. why i suddenly feel so moody and don feel like doing anything. everyone got a job. but not me. try so applying so many job and none reply. got thing of giving up and stay at home study well and get good result. but i also scare that bao bei got to work extra hard.alot of thing wanted to do. but no one accompany mi to do.everyday lunch got to cook for myself. hate it so much. look for someone to accompany mi lunch also hard. i wonder wat am i doing and wat i can do. go out got to spent money stat home all alone.. i can feel that baobei really love mi and baby. everything he do is for mi and baby. i am so touch. but i see him working so hard. i feel very heart pain. bao bei i really love u.. happy 1st month wedding anniversary..

going one month of marriage..

first few month of marriage suppose to be wonderful and sweet. this doesn't apply to my wedding at all, i don't feel sweet and wonderful at all in fact i felt lonely and and like a bird which is lock in the cage. no where i can go but staying at home "RESTING" and doing all the housework. baobei and mother expect mi to do all housework and go no where but staying at home. i know they worry for mi but all i want is to be like last time. where i go no one control. i felt tt i am like a pet got to wait for baobei free then i get the chance to go out. baobei busy all day all time 24hr a day 7 days a week 4 week a month. all he do was to work come home accompany his mother and do his homework and then sleep. hardly ask mi what i have done the whole day and what i really want to do. he only knows how to accompany his family. ask him to go over to my side for the family together with mi. he always push away or find excuse not to go. since tt day we got marry till now he have not gone home with mi to see my family or spent time with my family. spenting time with my family is a waste of time to him. only spenting time with his family is not waste of time. i miss my family so much. but who will understand. not even the person who i call baobei knows. all he know is tt i marry over to his family and i cannot go back to my family and be with them. some time i really think this marry is not want i really want.we get marry cas i have a baby in mi we are force to get marry. how stupid i am to believe that i will feel happy when i get married.now i kown why so many people in singapore don want to get marry and tie down. cas marrying in to a family who husband only listen to his mother but not u and only want to accompany his side of his family but not ur side of family and expcet u to do the same thing is like a hell to u. its like cutting everything or taking everything away from u suddenly after u had spent 20 plus years of ur life with them away. who will understand how i feel? no one. who i can tell? tell baobei? no way. tell mummy and daddy or da jie? no way. they will worry. i don want them to get worry but wat elas can i do but to bottle everything in my heart and not letting anyone know about it.using baby products which mother fren grandchildren used make mi feel tt my baby is like a rubbish collector. i know they want to save money. but not till the limit tt baby pram also got to use other pple use before one then give to my baby use.even the container which contain milk powder one also use other pple use before one. bed also high chair also. is it like rubbish collector. other pple give birth i also give birth. other pplr baby can have brand new things, why cant my baby have too. just cas his or her mummy is useless and cannot get a job to earn money and provide him or her with good stuff and life. i am a useless mum.

this is how i felt

first few month of marriage suppose to be wonderful and sweet. this doesn't apply to my wedding at all, i don't feel sweet and wonderful at all in fact i felt lonely and and like a bird which is lock in the cage. no where i can go but staying at home "RESTING" and doing all the housework. baobei and mother expect mi to do all housework and go no where but staying at home. i know they worry for mi but all i want is to be like last time. where i go no one control. i felt tt i am like a pet got to wait for baobei free then i get the chance to go out. baobei busy all day all time 24hr a day 7 days a week 4 week a month. all he do was to work come home accompany his mother and do his homework and then sleep. hardly ask mi what i have done the whole day and what i really want to do. he only knows how to accompany his family. ask him to go over to my side for the family together with mi. he always push away or find excuse not to go. since tt day we got marry till now he have not gone home with mi to see my family or spent time with my family. spenting time with my family is a waste of time to him. only spenting time with his family is not waste of time. i miss my family so much. but who will understand. not even the person who i call baobei knows. all he know is tt i marry over to his family and i cannot go back to my family and be with them. some time i really think this marry is not want i really want.we get marry cas i have a baby in mi we are force to get marry. how stupid i am to believe that i will feel happy when i get married.now i kown why so many people in singapore don want to get marry and tie down. cas marrying in to a family who husband only listen to his mother but not u and only want to accompany his side of his family but not ur side of family and expcet u to do the same thing is like a hell to u. its like cutting everything or taking everything away from u suddenly after u had spent 20 plus years of ur life with them away. who will understand how i feel? no one. who i can tell? tell baobei? no way. tell mummy and daddy or da jie? no way. they will worry. i don want them to get worry but wat elas can i do but to bottle everything in my heart and not letting anyone know about it.using baby products which mother fren grandchildren used make mi feel tt my baby is like a rubbish collector. i know they want to save money. but not till the limit tt baby pram also got to use other pple use before one then give to my baby use.even the container which contain milk powder one also use other pple use before one. bed also high chair also. is it like rubbish collector. other pple give birth i also give birth. other pplr baby can have brand new things, why cant my baby have too. just cas his or her mummy is useless and cannot get a job to earn money and provide

Marriage life....

Marriage supposed to be happy everyafter. But seemed like this doesnt happen to everybody. Suddenly i felt a bit lost, all i know is to go wrk, den go sch, come back do assignment. I got the urge to quit sch, but i already paid so much, i cant afford to throw the money awy, thus i got study hard. Then every night study til so late, i already really very tired.

I always thought that marriage life is very sweet, but i dont feel it this way. I have no idea is because of this society or what. There is so many things to worry about.

Baobei having a baby inside is not easy, thus i cant expect too much from her also. The most worrying matter is i afraid that she cannot communicate well with my mum. Both of them have their own expectation. All i can do is to do it for them.

Today is public holiday, i went to wrk, my sister went to chalet, baobei go home, my mum was alone at home, wanted to tidy house but no one at home. In the end she will be planning to go out also. Maybe after some time, i shall stop going back to office on weekend le... Hoped to get my degree faster and HOPE FOR PROMOTION (which i dun tink so).

I love this family so much that i willing to sacrified everything for it.....