the 1st month of wedding

today is the 1st month full month of wedding.i was wondering. why i suddenly feel so moody and don feel like doing anything. everyone got a job. but not me. try so applying so many job and none reply. got thing of giving up and stay at home study well and get good result. but i also scare that bao bei got to work extra hard.alot of thing wanted to do. but no one accompany mi to do.everyday lunch got to cook for myself. hate it so much. look for someone to accompany mi lunch also hard. i wonder wat am i doing and wat i can do. go out got to spent money stat home all alone.. i can feel that baobei really love mi and baby. everything he do is for mi and baby. i am so touch. but i see him working so hard. i feel very heart pain. bao bei i really love u.. happy 1st month wedding anniversary..

going one month of marriage..

first few month of marriage suppose to be wonderful and sweet. this doesn't apply to my wedding at all, i don't feel sweet and wonderful at all in fact i felt lonely and and like a bird which is lock in the cage. no where i can go but staying at home "RESTING" and doing all the housework. baobei and mother expect mi to do all housework and go no where but staying at home. i know they worry for mi but all i want is to be like last time. where i go no one control. i felt tt i am like a pet got to wait for baobei free then i get the chance to go out. baobei busy all day all time 24hr a day 7 days a week 4 week a month. all he do was to work come home accompany his mother and do his homework and then sleep. hardly ask mi what i have done the whole day and what i really want to do. he only knows how to accompany his family. ask him to go over to my side for the family together with mi. he always push away or find excuse not to go. since tt day we got marry till now he have not gone home with mi to see my family or spent time with my family. spenting time with my family is a waste of time to him. only spenting time with his family is not waste of time. i miss my family so much. but who will understand. not even the person who i call baobei knows. all he know is tt i marry over to his family and i cannot go back to my family and be with them. some time i really think this marry is not want i really want.we get marry cas i have a baby in mi we are force to get marry. how stupid i am to believe that i will feel happy when i get married.now i kown why so many people in singapore don want to get marry and tie down. cas marrying in to a family who husband only listen to his mother but not u and only want to accompany his side of his family but not ur side of family and expcet u to do the same thing is like a hell to u. its like cutting everything or taking everything away from u suddenly after u had spent 20 plus years of ur life with them away. who will understand how i feel? no one. who i can tell? tell baobei? no way. tell mummy and daddy or da jie? no way. they will worry. i don want them to get worry but wat elas can i do but to bottle everything in my heart and not letting anyone know about it.using baby products which mother fren grandchildren used make mi feel tt my baby is like a rubbish collector. i know they want to save money. but not till the limit tt baby pram also got to use other pple use before one then give to my baby use.even the container which contain milk powder one also use other pple use before one. bed also high chair also. is it like rubbish collector. other pple give birth i also give birth. other pplr baby can have brand new things, why cant my baby have too. just cas his or her mummy is useless and cannot get a job to earn money and provide him or her with good stuff and life. i am a useless mum.

this is how i felt

first few month of marriage suppose to be wonderful and sweet. this doesn't apply to my wedding at all, i don't feel sweet and wonderful at all in fact i felt lonely and and like a bird which is lock in the cage. no where i can go but staying at home "RESTING" and doing all the housework. baobei and mother expect mi to do all housework and go no where but staying at home. i know they worry for mi but all i want is to be like last time. where i go no one control. i felt tt i am like a pet got to wait for baobei free then i get the chance to go out. baobei busy all day all time 24hr a day 7 days a week 4 week a month. all he do was to work come home accompany his mother and do his homework and then sleep. hardly ask mi what i have done the whole day and what i really want to do. he only knows how to accompany his family. ask him to go over to my side for the family together with mi. he always push away or find excuse not to go. since tt day we got marry till now he have not gone home with mi to see my family or spent time with my family. spenting time with my family is a waste of time to him. only spenting time with his family is not waste of time. i miss my family so much. but who will understand. not even the person who i call baobei knows. all he know is tt i marry over to his family and i cannot go back to my family and be with them. some time i really think this marry is not want i really want.we get marry cas i have a baby in mi we are force to get marry. how stupid i am to believe that i will feel happy when i get married.now i kown why so many people in singapore don want to get marry and tie down. cas marrying in to a family who husband only listen to his mother but not u and only want to accompany his side of his family but not ur side of family and expcet u to do the same thing is like a hell to u. its like cutting everything or taking everything away from u suddenly after u had spent 20 plus years of ur life with them away. who will understand how i feel? no one. who i can tell? tell baobei? no way. tell mummy and daddy or da jie? no way. they will worry. i don want them to get worry but wat elas can i do but to bottle everything in my heart and not letting anyone know about it.using baby products which mother fren grandchildren used make mi feel tt my baby is like a rubbish collector. i know they want to save money. but not till the limit tt baby pram also got to use other pple use before one then give to my baby use.even the container which contain milk powder one also use other pple use before one. bed also high chair also. is it like rubbish collector. other pple give birth i also give birth. other pplr baby can have brand new things, why cant my baby have too. just cas his or her mummy is useless and cannot get a job to earn money and provide

Marriage life....

Marriage supposed to be happy everyafter. But seemed like this doesnt happen to everybody. Suddenly i felt a bit lost, all i know is to go wrk, den go sch, come back do assignment. I got the urge to quit sch, but i already paid so much, i cant afford to throw the money awy, thus i got study hard. Then every night study til so late, i already really very tired.

I always thought that marriage life is very sweet, but i dont feel it this way. I have no idea is because of this society or what. There is so many things to worry about.

Baobei having a baby inside is not easy, thus i cant expect too much from her also. The most worrying matter is i afraid that she cannot communicate well with my mum. Both of them have their own expectation. All i can do is to do it for them.

Today is public holiday, i went to wrk, my sister went to chalet, baobei go home, my mum was alone at home, wanted to tidy house but no one at home. In the end she will be planning to go out also. Maybe after some time, i shall stop going back to office on weekend le... Hoped to get my degree faster and HOPE FOR PROMOTION (which i dun tink so).

I love this family so much that i willing to sacrified everything for it.....

12 day after marry

today is the 12th day after our wedding.at first i was still not use to the married life as i am not living with my family anymore.this few day my hubby has been working da and night.after work come back he do his homework.saying that accompany mi but he is doing his work leaving mi alone to watch tv behind him.i got fired and everyday alone at home doing nothing till my mother in law come back. i a bit scare of her as she cook alot of food and all are oily and salty food.last time if i don hav baby i will eat more.but cas of baby i cannot eat now.hubby say that he will tell my mother in law.but i scare that she will get angry.i think she expect mi to do all the housework and cook every meal.all this make mi feel very tiring. but my hubby don understand. still want mi to go look for job.i know he want mi to work as he scare that he might not be able to support this family.i try calling alot of company but every one say don want to hire a woman with baby. i feel so sad and disappointed.